Health & Fitness - The "Real" Facts:

If you not exercising, eat a lot of "guilty" food, party all the's some consolation...

  Health & Fitness - The "Real" Facts:

  Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

  A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it..........don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out

  eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it

  faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


  Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

  A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay

  and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

  than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

  Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass

  (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your

  recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


  Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

  A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled

  wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you

  get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of

  grain. Bottoms up!


  Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

  A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one

  to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


  Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

  exercise program?

  A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No



  Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

  A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable

  oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more

  vegetables be bad for you?


  Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around

  the middle?

  A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

  should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


  Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

  A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!

  It's the best feel-good food around!


  Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

  A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


  Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

  A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

  Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

  about food and diets and remember,

  "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with

  the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved

  body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -

  strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn

  out, and screaming - WOO HOO!  What a Ride!"