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Terrible Xmas Jokes !! for bored Xmas surfers

The price of a drink

Four old retired guys are walking down Rundlemall in Adelaide, Australia. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, that it must be too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis! Shaken, not stirred! And says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity was getting the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

 "I'm a retired tailor from Tasmania ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place and let old timers, like me,  share my luck by selling every drink for 10 cents. Wine, liquor, beer's.... all the same."

"Well cheers mate, that's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're tourists from Scotland . They're waiting for Happy Hour."


Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica    where do they go?

 Wonder no more ! ! ! 
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
 bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:




"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." 

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
It's so easy to fool people.
I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!

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